Suicide

Someone tweeted I'm so sorry.. No one knew what she was talking about and she later tweeted 'Tell the boys I love them' & 'I've lost count on how many pills I've taken' she's gone. I just can't believe this, I'm crying in tears. How can someone just end their life like that, she was apart of our fandom, she was literally family. It's like losing a sister, I didn't know her but she was a person a human being and I care. Now she's gone...
RIP. <3 you're in a better place sweetheart.

Desire to stay fit

I just want to be skinny, I just want to be able to wear what I'd like and be happy about it! I just can't seem to do that so much. It makes me feel so insecure & I'm trying to lose the fat I have & don't need by exercising but sometimes I have those days where I'm like 'Why am I trying?' & it's so weird. It brings me down so much, and I don't want to go back to being depressed, I will not. Many people aren't lucky by getting out of depression like me, so I will fight to stay strong. I will not bring myself down just because I want to be fit. I will not allow it.
I will achieve what I want by being strong.

Wow.

I haven't written in such a long time, I look back at every post and see how depressed and alone I felt. It makes me want to cry just reading all of it. I was so silly & confused, I'm just so glad to no longer be depressed. Without my brother and my friend by my side, I wouldn't be alive. I should thank them every single day. I love them and I just don't know what I would do without them. 

I see the post about me being heartbroken. tears my heart apart, I'm finally over him. How and when did this happen? It's so strange. 

I'm someone new now, I write a fanfiction as silly as that may seem but it's actually doing quite well, it has a lot of reads and a lot of people depend on my to update every now & then. It's great because writing is just my passion. I love it. 

I have new friends. I'm me now. No more crying. No more suffering. I got tired of being quiet and alone, I want to be me, loud and crazy. I'm tired of hiding who I am... This new person, I like her a lot. Well it has its struggles but I'm trying my best to manage them, I really am. 
Everyday is new opportunity and I have to say, I'm not going to take any day for granted anymore.