Life Now?

I've been going through a rough time. I break down more often and get so angry for the smallest things. it has not been easy but I somehow am managing. I've been thinking lately how time is passing really quick and I'm growing up, it's a sad reality. 

I've cut myself more often, it's calming and I do it when I have too much on my mind at night, I sleep calm with a cut or two stinging a bit. I've had break downs where I want to tell my parents but I'm so scared, I'm their last daughter and I have to make them proud or something. My life line for the past year had been one direction, I personally don't care what anybody has to say about it because they truly made me happy, but they had been keeping me alive. I'm slipping up and I can feel myself breaking lose from any sort of grip to keep me alive. I don't bother anymore, putting on a seat belt, cleaning my wounds, looking both ways to cross the street, and many other simply things like that... I had a thing were if I died it were to be on my terms but now a days I just don't care. I hate that I can't be normal, I can't eat correctly occasionally starving myself or just eating until I can't eat anymore. My moods switch instantly too, I don't know what to do. It's bad that I say I don't want the sadness to go away it's become apart of me but then my other half, my old me, is crying loudly to get out.