Suicide

Someone tweeted I'm so sorry.. No one knew what she was talking about and she later tweeted 'Tell the boys I love them' & 'I've lost count on how many pills I've taken' she's gone. I just can't believe this, I'm crying in tears. How can someone just end their life like that, she was apart of our fandom, she was literally family. It's like losing a sister, I didn't know her but she was a person a human being and I care. Now she's gone...
RIP. <3 you're in a better place sweetheart.

Desire to stay fit

I just want to be skinny, I just want to be able to wear what I'd like and be happy about it! I just can't seem to do that so much. It makes me feel so insecure & I'm trying to lose the fat I have & don't need by exercising but sometimes I have those days where I'm like 'Why am I trying?' & it's so weird. It brings me down so much, and I don't want to go back to being depressed, I will not. Many people aren't lucky by getting out of depression like me, so I will fight to stay strong. I will not bring myself down just because I want to be fit. I will not allow it.
I will achieve what I want by being strong.

Wow.

I haven't written in such a long time, I look back at every post and see how depressed and alone I felt. It makes me want to cry just reading all of it. I was so silly & confused, I'm just so glad to no longer be depressed. Without my brother and my friend by my side, I wouldn't be alive. I should thank them every single day. I love them and I just don't know what I would do without them. 

I see the post about me being heartbroken. tears my heart apart, I'm finally over him. How and when did this happen? It's so strange. 

I'm someone new now, I write a fanfiction as silly as that may seem but it's actually doing quite well, it has a lot of reads and a lot of people depend on my to update every now & then. It's great because writing is just my passion. I love it. 

I have new friends. I'm me now. No more crying. No more suffering. I got tired of being quiet and alone, I want to be me, loud and crazy. I'm tired of hiding who I am... This new person, I like her a lot. Well it has its struggles but I'm trying my best to manage them, I really am. 
Everyday is new opportunity and I have to say, I'm not going to take any day for granted anymore. 

 

Missing my friends

I miss them so much.. I can't explain how much... I just want to see them again. I really want to see one friend mainly.... Hes the sweetest person ever and he's the one person I'm dying to see. I have dreams about him and I just miss more and more... I explain to one of my other friends that I miss him and she tells me I'll see him soon...
Everyday I have to tell her about him.. I've messed up this kind of thing before and I don't want to mess up a second time... I just need to see him and talk to him. I miss him so much. The pain of not seeing him hurts so much. I just want to hug him, share laughs, talk, and just be together. I miss other friends of course, but I talk to them once awhile. So I'm not too sad about missing them. Being sad all the time and my family just stare at me and wonder... I guess the teenage years do that.
#IMissmyBro.

Decider

I hate it when someone asks me a question and I feel like a decider, so important and noble. Then I say what I feel and then you get mad at me? Really.? You just asked me, and I'm telling you how I feel. It's my opinion, don't like it.? That's your problem. Don't like it, good for you. I know you weren't going to listen to me,but I wanted to help you. If you have issues, save it for someone else. I'm done. Save the drama for your mama. ;) 
#Not letting your problems ruin my life, Thank you very much :P

What a friend.

That moment when your friend is like you can trust me and well talk if you have anything to say. Then when you're like okay... I have a secret ... And their like what is it and I tell them and all they say is ok or oh. It's like really? You make me think like you care and in the end all you say is oh. I'm just standing and staring at her like a idiot waiting for her to say something. It's like da f*** man.

Why....?

While thinking about it... Why am I depressed? Well maybe because kicking me out of my house makes me feel lonely. Then being around my nephews and trying hard not to cry or trying to hide my tears, it's hard. How about always being compared to your older brothers and sisters. Like being told why can't I be like my sister, she's been going to college and becoming a doctor. I'm just like sorry. What should I have to say? I try my hardest to be as tough as all of them but my bad if I cry over "stupid things" like you say. Also finding out the guy you love doesn't think about you or even care about you. It kills me. Crying over dumb things for what? In the end I don't feel any different. It never gets different.
That's why.