Wow.

I haven't written in such a long time, I look back at every post and see how depressed and alone I felt. It makes me want to cry just reading all of it. I was so silly & confused, I'm just so glad to no longer be depressed. Without my brother and my friend by my side, I wouldn't be alive. I should thank them every single day. I love them and I just don't know what I would do without them. 

I see the post about me being heartbroken. tears my heart apart, I'm finally over him. How and when did this happen? It's so strange. 

I'm someone new now, I write a fanfiction as silly as that may seem but it's actually doing quite well, it has a lot of reads and a lot of people depend on my to update every now & then. It's great because writing is just my passion. I love it. 

I have new friends. I'm me now. No more crying. No more suffering. I got tired of being quiet and alone, I want to be me, loud and crazy. I'm tired of hiding who I am... This new person, I like her a lot. Well it has its struggles but I'm trying my best to manage them, I really am. 
Everyday is new opportunity and I have to say, I'm not going to take any day for granted anymore. 

 

Missing my friends

I miss them so much.. I can't explain how much... I just want to see them again. I really want to see one friend mainly.... Hes the sweetest person ever and he's the one person I'm dying to see. I have dreams about him and I just miss more and more... I explain to one of my other friends that I miss him and she tells me I'll see him soon...
Everyday I have to tell her about him.. I've messed up this kind of thing before and I don't want to mess up a second time... I just need to see him and talk to him. I miss him so much. The pain of not seeing him hurts so much. I just want to hug him, share laughs, talk, and just be together. I miss other friends of course, but I talk to them once awhile. So I'm not too sad about missing them. Being sad all the time and my family just stare at me and wonder... I guess the teenage years do that.
#IMissmyBro.

Decider

I hate it when someone asks me a question and I feel like a decider, so important and noble. Then I say what I feel and then you get mad at me? Really.? You just asked me, and I'm telling you how I feel. It's my opinion, don't like it.? That's your problem. Don't like it, good for you. I know you weren't going to listen to me,but I wanted to help you. If you have issues, save it for someone else. I'm done. Save the drama for your mama. ;) 
#Not letting your problems ruin my life, Thank you very much :P

What a friend.

That moment when your friend is like you can trust me and well talk if you have anything to say. Then when you're like okay... I have a secret ... And their like what is it and I tell them and all they say is ok or oh. It's like really? You make me think like you care and in the end all you say is oh. I'm just standing and staring at her like a idiot waiting for her to say something. It's like da f*** man.

Why....?

While thinking about it... Why am I depressed? Well maybe because kicking me out of my house makes me feel lonely. Then being around my nephews and trying hard not to cry or trying to hide my tears, it's hard. How about always being compared to your older brothers and sisters. Like being told why can't I be like my sister, she's been going to college and becoming a doctor. I'm just like sorry. What should I have to say? I try my hardest to be as tough as all of them but my bad if I cry over "stupid things" like you say. Also finding out the guy you love doesn't think about you or even care about you. It kills me. Crying over dumb things for what? In the end I don't feel any different. It never gets different.
That's why.

One can only dream...

I dream about him over and over again. I love each one though. Like one of him, my best friend and me. We're holding hands and together and me crying because I finally got what I really wanted in my life. Its been two years, I'm young and I fall too hard for guys but he's different he was there for me. He was nice and caring. He was perfect. I messed it all up and I wish I could take it back. Probably right now instead of typing this, I could have been texting him right now... I honestly picture everything with him. I feel like he's the one. Even though he might not feel the same. Something in me doesn't let me forget him. I'm not going through a phase. I honestly feel this way. I picture my life with him. I'd do anything for him. I just wish I could forget about everything. If I can't even talk to him once again. Then I wish I could forget everything. I just don't want to feel more hurt than I already am. I wish he knew though...

'I wish that I could meet Drake. He inspires me, he gets me through everything. Literally. If I'm mad, sad, lonely, happy I get my Ipod and listen to his album Take Care. My favorite songs Marvin's Room, Make Me Proud, Take Care, Doing it Wrong, Headlines, Shot for Me, and HYFR. They're my favorite including Motto. I just love it. He understands that life is hard but you could through it, and he especially has a really good experience with women.
"Now she wanna photo you alreaday know though,you only live once that's the motto, YOLO."  
I love Drake. He knows what life is, and he puts it in his music to show other people. To me his whole thing is like... There's going to be a lot of c**p in your life but it gets better in the end. 
#Y O L O